I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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