guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
