So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
