the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
