PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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