The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
