hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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