But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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