our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
