We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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