im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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