i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize