he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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