I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
