good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
