I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
