he shaved USA in his pubs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
