A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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