dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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