Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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