Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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