would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
