do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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