I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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