Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
