he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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