he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize