why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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