Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
