I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i can't believe i had my finger in that
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
