You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
