I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
