Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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