I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
