I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
