I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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