you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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