I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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