if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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