We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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