bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
