playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
