i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
