I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
