I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize