ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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