The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
