he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize