Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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