I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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