I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
