Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
