i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
