So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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