weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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