Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
