That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
