my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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