last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize