True but thats because hes a fetus.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
