have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
