All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
