I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
