when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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