it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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