So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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