Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
