Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
