if you like me you must not know who I am
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
