...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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