plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
