Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
