do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
